2012.

Its been more than an year now,since I read about the year 2012 and the catastrophe its going to bring on humanity and earth.The feeling of insecurity and intrigue had been eating my consious since then,went on in the search more and more about the predictions by mayans,the chinese and old english oracles and everywhere there is a mention of the year and the date 21st december.
The scientists throught the world say that the year 2012 is the time when a galactic shift take place and the axis of the earth may shift from its original position.This may cause havoc in the biosphere,and the signs are already here to see with climatic changes throughout the world,temperatutre rising and whirlwinds happening almost everymonth in each corner of the planet.
I have this ugly feeling inside me which tells me that something is going to happen just 3 years from now,maybe caused by reading all the stuff,but still... and we cannot do anything to fight nature,we will be just reduced to immobile misery when in contact with the fury.
All those who have known this and all those who will come to know about it,may live a better life from now on.Let this may be our reason to unite, as a species and forget all our hatred and enjoy 'life' to its fullest. love all and be good to nature for we may be pardoned from extinction.
Let us hope this wonderful civilization persist and the 'Armaggaddeon' doesnt happen..

post 26/11

One year has gone by,since some cowards riding high on lunacy spread havoc among people whom they never knew,for a fanatic reason? or no reason at all,'because an act like such dont have any reasonable reasons.
yesterday,people and media 'celebrated' the anniversary by lighting candles,remembring those who lost their lives and film stars campainging for the 'cause'.The local administration had proclaimed of giving 'damages' to the kins of those who became 'martyrs'??Humans have the tendency to forget and specially our political and beuruocratic fraternity, lot of time has gone by so fast that they didnt have enough time to attend to their promises,because making promises is the only way they can win elections and fool the voters again and again.If we recall, immediately after the incident a chief minister was asked to leave his office,another minister opened his mouth and paid the price,lot of thinking ,lot of postmortem,lot of debates and promises again.
137 lives were lost,each one important for their families and any amount of 'money' thrown at them will not be enough to replace a lost life but we make promises and promises have the importance only when they remain promises.I often wonder when someone is killed this unnnatural way,the govenment anounces a monetary benefit,is it one of the ways by which the government is taking the responsibility of what had happened ??washing their hands clean by bribing people?/it is, a sort of bribing to get votes and get into power the next time again,so that they can be 'responsible' again.why can't the administration learn and at least dont repeat the same mistakes!,because we know no government in the world is perfect.

Now,another debate is in the air whether we should hang the gunslinger who was caught or leave him to the land where he belongs,this will go on for years because our judiciary is so fast that it takes 17 years and crores of taxpayers money to 'compose' a report on the demolition of a monument,which each unfortunate human being saw on live T.V. and ultimately let it 'leak'..oh! funny.
we have spent 1 year and 31crores of rupees on a person who had done this genocide and he is still eating, sleeping and even wanted to tie a 'rakhi' on one of the sisters of this land..uh!it stinks.
Let him be taken to each house where a member was lost and let him stay there,and know what pain he has caused?/and let him do this for the rest of his life, let that be his punishment,for if he stays in the custody of our judicary, many many crore will be spent and ultimately somewhere,someone will make a monument for him and revere him with a garland for his deeds,for this is a land where a 'Mahatma' was killed..

school.

....a lonely life with only adults and nature around,maybe that would have shaped my character being a little reserved and introvert.dont remember any of my early days in school or nursery to be precise.we were in delhi at that time and i remember just this single,loud noice which would frighten me during my daily walk to school and return.I never asked about it to 'achcha',but i could observe that he knew my concern.The noice came from a single story building on the right hand side of the road on the way,in the mornings.I would hold my father's finger tight when i approach the place.most of the times in afternoons,while returning i would not hear it but i hear it in the evenings when we go to buy milk from one of those milma booths.the palce was more eeire to me 'cause i never found a single human outside the closed door.
It turned out to be a judo class,the thumping sound being the sound when a body was thrown on the mattress below.ooops! a relief!
Then i joined K.V (kendriya vidyalaya sangathan) and started my school journey.i dont remember myself crying on the first day to school,away from the security of one's home and the care of parents.First time in the open big world with lot of kids like me.I certainly would have cried like many others,at least for a day..!I remember the names of some of my classmates even now and can visualize my class room .we all had one wooden desk with the flap on and a chair of our own.of!course have those black and white photographs of each class of students,it was a speciality on those days to take photographs at the end of each year.do the schools still have that ssytem dunno!but these are gems now, in my memoribilia and still feel the pride when i see those now hazy pictures of teens on blue and white uniforms...

journey again..

I dont remember any part of my journey as a toddler which took me to all through the eastern and high altitude lands in the country.Maybe that explains my liking for mountains,forests and animals.I am always at home in those terrains,the cool breeze that flows, caressing the long grass and wetting your face with droplets of dew. Cattle grazing in a languid grace,where even time stops and looks at nature in awe.
People of these lands are also like the nature around,with innocence reflecting in their smiles,spreading happiness all around and living life, full.they work in the fields and grow what they need,they are contended with what they have and dont keep any big ambitions,they respect the land they till and it shows even in the methods of agriculture they follow,they dont cultivate the same piece of land throughout the year,giving a period of six months to hybernate and give the land to prepare itself for the next crop.
Road to serendipity is what i would say, which leads to a place in the mountains.Its an honour and I am proud that I was able to live in those beautiful pieces of land,very close to nature and harmony.sometimes...maybe sometimes, I would still like to go there and stay for long..and never to return again..

children's day

today is children's day and when i called back home,my kids were excited with their histrionics yesterday,they celebrated 'the day,' one day before and enjoyed every bit of it.Narrated the functions with that eager enthusiasm ,which the kids can only have. They participated in fancy dress,with 'chikku' being 'Radha,'chinju','unnikannan and kichu,the 'chendakaran.'unnikannan complaining that 'her' 'pullankuzhal' didnt produce any sound,though she tried her best.'our damsel Radha was at her best,though she wanted to become 'unnikannan',we pursued her to change,telling her that radha was taller. 'the chendakaran' now is adament on performing his feat at the temple festivals.
Their excitement took me back to my school days, when we had all the fun.I miss those days,the most wonderful days of anyone's lives,but the exposure,that the kids get now, is tremendous.At this age they know why we celebrate 'children's day.when i asked my kids,I never expected an immediate reply,but their answer was sponataneous and they pronounced 'chaacha Nehru' with utmost ease.I dont think,at our times I knew so much.
Let us celebrate their joy and be one among them and not lose that innocence which makes this world still a wonderful place to live in.
I also would like to remember that small boy who used to accompany his father to the family quarters at the military camp,where we used to reside and would help polish the officer's shoes,when we were getting ready to go to school.,and the girl who used to lend a hand to her mother in cleaning the 'primitive' toilets in the same camps.This childrens' day is for them too and thousand others who never go to school,who are not fortunate enough..even to know what this day mean..'this day' is same as any other day,earning their daily bread.They cannot afford to celebrate 'cause that would cost them a meal..
Let them be happy too, on this day,'cause'chaacha' loved all of them like flowers.
Let us love every child,for they are..what we were..

journey follows...

..most of my childhood was away from home,my most beautiful place on earth ,kerala. land of coconut,land of spices ,the land where the euoropeans landed first,and the land where politics is a part of daily life,every person is aware and emotionally attached to the states' politics.the land where a 'daily' newspaper is as essential as the daily cup of morning 'kattan chaya' and'bidi',where the literacy rate is as high as 80%,which is 20% higher than the national average,the land where girl education is more than above average,compared to the national average..But,the exploitation against women happen the most ,where you find sepearte seats for women in the local transports and where women fear to come out alone at nights,where the fiscal defecit is always on the negative and the most 'commonest'man likes to spend more than he earns,where he spends more than 70% of his income on a house of his dreams,where the cost of living increase on every new project, the government announces..the only state in the whole of the country, where there is no specific distinction from a city and a village,where a common man is in access to every facility a city dweller enjoys,even in the remotest of villages..its really a heaven as everyone proclaim,.there are certain places on this wonderful land, even gods would envy.This land is blessed with all that one could dream of ,as far as natural beauty is concerned.

I am proud that my soul belong here and i speak the language of this land.The village ,which is the land of my forefathers is a tiny one,with believers of all faiths residing in an area of 15 sq.m,in which there are hotels,theaters ,temples,churches and a mosque,primary and secondary schools.

rice fields,planktons,coconut trees are part of the greenary spread across,a small pond is a proud asset to every household,which is becoming a rarity nowadays ,thanks to the land mafia,and the common villager succumbing to the greed,which is obvious in the 'tsunami of power and money that flows..for the destruction of our naive countryside and a commoner...

criticism

A great day for me,when a 'very special' person came out with a strong and genuine criticism.A comment on an inbuilt complex,which drags my creativity to an extent of self praise.its true that somewhere,on some of the issues that i raise, i sound unreal in my commitment of that issue,maybe the way I present it,i stress on it with more emphasis than required and which result in losing the charm of reading it,and it becomes a personal affair,rather than highlighting the cause.
Or may be,I try to show people around that i am aware of these issues and try to be a bit superior??different??.
Now, only someone who knows me so very well can comment on this..wow!! its an eye opener maybe some kind of an insecure feeling inside me has caused this,which certainly has to be removed,which I was aware of but never dared enough to reach inside and pluck it out.
This is why I say,you got to have few people around you who know you better.better than even yourself. some of the things , even if you are aware,you don't show the courtesy to admit.A big crime that we are showing to ourselves.
Now, when i have become aware,i am at great peace and maybe have become a better person,I was, a few hours before. I don't thank that person,because we know the psyche', of each other so very well, that its just understood,( even if we don't admit that) and its unconditional!!??.Is there someone else,who can do this for me??maybe my kids no one else.
Its a mind game...

back to the journey..

it might have been fun ,crawling on all fours....never care attittude.Each moment u see a new thing, which would tickle your curiosity and then let loose to experience it,not afraid of anything.I think this attittude loses at that stage itself,'cause afterwards you are fed with the incessant advices of what not to do.But then, that is the fun.. to do things which are taboo!! for you and the feeling that everything u see is something to be eaten,'cause i feel that is the only worry for you then,to eat when you are hungry,even flames seem to be edible.And this is the period when you can cry really LLLOOOUUUDD, that too in open, full to your satisfaction and to others ire.
ooooooh its really naughty to do things which irritate others and you smile sated achieving that. a sadistic approach heee..
I believe i was not that naughty ,nobody told me so ,at least.. but, i might have given some tough times to 'amma'.well! talking about my 'amma'.. a frail lady,the same as she is now.I have seen some old black&white photographs(real gems) of hers,non smiling even those days too and she was pretty,with thick eyeliners,which i dont like at all,they say,eyeliners are used to enhance a girls beauty,i find it very odd..anyway coming back to amma,a silent lady with some temper and lot of patience .when she gets angry,she talks to herself and rather be alone than spend all the anger at someone.memory eludes me of my initial days with her,but the bond is very strong..more than a mother to me she is a wonderful woman who has had a tough life.Life rarely offered her with enough happiness,lost her father when she was three?!being the youngest in the family of 6,she used to tell a thing or two about her childhood,her school days,pranks that her brothers would do ,(one such i remember about her 2nd brother who would perch up one of those cahew trees..and 'loo' sittting on top of the branches .hey! thats an innovative way of relieving urself,when i see 'uncle' now i used to giggle).And of!course she used to tell me about my father',they studied in the same school and he was a close friend of my youngest uncle.I tried to get more info.about whether she was smitten by his charm on those days itself,but she would stave off saying ,those time 'we were even afraid of looking at boys'. you never know...!! that could be the best period she would have had....

another milestone..

'today is our wedding day',thinking back.. we have come a long way.. and a long way to go further.
Today,when you are not here and as usual, no celebrations either,i would like to tell u that you are a great lady and the immense pain that you are going through, shows how tough the time is and when things get tough, the tough gets going..I salute you for the resilience you have shown,the steely determination with which you have fought against all odds.. Just like a true fighter don't ever lose your ground,you may even fall down,but dont ever throw the towel.you will find me beside you,egging you on..sharing your pain.
Always keep that wry smile on your face and laugh a lot at life..which was never easy with us.
Remember what i used to read aloud for you ,from the book,'power of subconcious mind'..and believe..things will change..nothing can defeat us..

savour the moments of another'unusual' wedding anniversary.

More...

the last two days were hectic,reason for the blanks....,and then i understand u need to be motivated enough to get into this tedious activity,tedious.. when ur mind doesnt speak the words u want to..a numbness follow..
well!! but when I have decided to get retrospective into 'the journey',i have kicked myself and 'pronto i'm here again.
But today,i would like to give the journey some respite and address a very serious issue concerning with the land we live on. our beautiful earth.,
10,000 years ago civilization began,and then afterwards, humans became organized in groups,in clans,in tribes,they plouged land,they cultivated,but note more.. only that, what they needed,they used animals but never 'killled' ,they fought but they never waged war,for commerce.,they had their place in this beautiful place called 'earth' and they were happy.They were sated with what they had,they never wanted more..
But now when we got 'education',no not knowledge.. not wisdom,we want more.. more of everything.we want more space to live in,more food to eat..more land,not to cultivate anymore,but to build large structures..no homes to live in but just blocks to be sold and make more money..we fight now and waged war for the same piece of land,which day by day is just sinking,so much so that in a period of 50 years abeautiful group of islands called maldives will go under water and so as a big portion of sri lanka.
we want more..'cause we are never satisfied with what we have, which over time are depleting..but we gather more in this life and then leave behind all that to our children,who also will have more,more ,..of misery ..more.of hatred,more..of treachery more of everything but peace.
We have sown the seeds of more..and they are going to reap the crops of more...

sad..extremely sad that we are still ignorant,,we are still going beyond the sublime balance of needs and necessities..we are unaware that to date,nature has been doing a huge favour to us,the land and ocean have been providing a free ecosystem service in the form of sinks that store co2.As much as 50% of today's co2 emisssions are absorbed by terrestrial and marine ecosystem,but the capacity of this ecosystem service may nowbe decreasing due to temp.increase,acidification of oceans,and land use changes..
today we sit around a table and discuss this at the UN sponsored climate change conference at copenhagen on reducing green house emissions..at the same moment millions of cranes are operating world over in constructing new blocks and millions of trees are cut to provide the land for us to live. waters of the oceans are encroached to build resorts for the ignorant us to enjoy a passtime...

we have to wake up and realize that we are pounding this abode of ours with hammers and hurting it..even though we are living on the threshold of catastrophe, at least we can reduce the pain we give to our children..if we can still live a simple life..

oh! Earth,my heart bleeds for you..